YEARS since I was here...reintroducing ME.

WOW it has been so long and too be honest I am not sure where to start in everything.

I have so much in my head not sure what I should put here.

First if you are new to my blog then,Thank you for being here and if this is your first blog post of mine then HI and I hope you enjoy what you read here and if it make you smile then I have done my job.

First let me reintroduce myself.
I am a 42 yr old married, motherless mother (will tell you more about that later)
I have 2 boys who I managed to achieve with lots of hard work and let’s say they are number 2 and 6 pregnancies....yes I have had 6 pregnancies but only 2 live births.
I had post natal depression
I am a survivor of a twin molar pregnancy.
I am a stay at home mum.
I am also a lonely mum.

Well back to the motherless mum...unfortunately my mum had an brain aneurysm when I was 19 and never truly recovered from it...after 10yrs in a nursing home she passed away September 2005. So she never got to meet her grandbabies and was not with me through my molar pregnancy or my chemotherapy to fix the molar pregnancy. So no pregnancies either.
Now in being honest which is important to me I get so jealous seeing other daughters and mums together I wish I had that, so if you have a mum who is still earth side then call her, text her, argue with her, love her so hard but know she is your biggest supporter and she is there for you daily.....I miss that so much and will never get it again.....’okay no more tears now’

Yes I had a twin molar pregnancy which required chemotherapy to get rid of.....in fact my wonderful obgyn/gyn uses my case as an exam question on the paperwork to become an obgyn and to this day every person gets it wrong.....they all give me a hysterectomy......but my obgyn/gyn loves telling them I have 2 healthy boys....’that’s my 15mins of fame moment’.

I am a stay at home mum because I don’t want to miss a moment of my boys life, I know life can be cut short so quickly, I want to be there for everything’s they will let me be there for....one day they will tell me to go away and that day is coming quicker then I like.....but until then I want to see every Certificate, every bump and break, first loves,  I want to mop the tears up over first loves....I want them to know I have there back no matter what....’but that is just me’....so hubby and I sacrifice so I can do that.

Right I have reintroduce myself and have probably told you too much about me that your did not want to hear but as the song goes......’This is me’

Celestial birthday

Hi
I know it has been ages since I wrote and maybe that is a good thing.

As I approach my mums celestial birthday on Monday.....has been 10 years since my mum passed away (in saying that she actually fell sick 9yrs earlier, so I may have lost her before she passed away) I keep thinking WOW.....has it been that long and then I think I have been married that long too.....

But back to my mum's celestial birthday I am thinking lately about the mum she was and the mum I am, and I can see lots of similarities in the way I parent my kids to the way I remember she used to be and I am not sure if that is a good thing or bad thing......sometime both to me.

I have 2 children who are the polar opposite of each other and sometimes I wish they could be not so far apart on the behaviour range, but that is just what I was dealt and still getting used to and also it changes daily and sometimes hourly.

My mum was tough but fair, I seem to feel like I had everything on my shoulder being an only child..I had no one before me to soften my parents up and no one after me....so I seem to have to be everything that my parents want and sometime more.....which is very hard when you are trying to just find out who you are as a person.....I have also grown up to have a thick shell and to be stubborn and determined because that is what my mother instilled in me....some of which I have now passed on to my children....but I also remind them that it is okay to ask for help....which my mum never did (unfortunately she passed that tait on to me too).

In saying that my mum was also fair, as long as I was home or called to tell her where was then that was okay and as an adult I think I only ever pulled one all nighter and that was it....I also let her know when I got home, because like most mums she would never really get in to a deep sleep until I was home.....which I am sure it what I will be like too......still a while away yet....

To say I miss my mum is understatement....and I was doing okay until I fell pregnant and had to go to appointments on my own and many health problems that your mum should be there for (they say we all want our mums when we are sick...I know I did) but when my boys where born....then I think it really hit me....that she was not there to see them grown up and share there achievements with me as a proud grandma.....maybe that is why I do not want to miss any of my children achievement.....you just never know when your time is up. When I was pregnant with my boys I brought a star form the star registry and once a year I will look it up and wish on it...I want my boys to have something not just a photo...so they know she is always looking down on them no  matter what they are doing or where they are (guess knowing they have a star make me also think that when I am not here or they are traveling at least they will know there is a star that is watching over them and hopefully they will find comfort in that......or maybe that is a dream)

I get jealous seeing other mums with there mum and I know that is silly,but it is something that deep down inside hurts quite a lot....but that is just me....and that will never change....

So I guess in closing I just want to wish my mum a great celestial birthday and may your star shine brightly this year.....we will be looking for you, we love and miss you so much. Xx


E
Xx.

PS. what I would give just to talk to her again.

Feeling Bad

Hi Everyone

it has been a while since I wrote and sometime I would like to write more but then I think no one will want to read that.....so I just do not bother and at this stage I am thinking about not blogging anymore.....Lots going through my head at the moments.

First of all I think I am not being a very good wife or mother but maybe I never was in the first place.

Took my little boy to the dr today just thinking he had a bit of ear wax that was stubborn and would not come out and he asked me how long it had been that brown colour and how long he has had it. I said about a week and thought it was just a bit of wax he now tells me that he may have a serious infection in ear and will not know that until the swob he took comes back......so I feel like a great mum.....NOT.

Have joined a very different Facebook group and it has made me realise that maybe my life is not as exciting as some other people's.....in fact mine is pretty boring and very dole in comparison.....make me think I live under a rock....who hoo have my eyes been opened this past week.pm me if you want to know the group....I may just invite you to join.

My Favourite TV show BATB lets just say I am not enjoying this season as much as past ones....I will not stop watching.....but with only a 13 episode season I feel they are trying to pack so much in each episode they are missing on stuff that really need to be there....but that is just my opinion.....I guess I want more of the romance that was promised......being a huge romantic by heart I guess I need that.

Oh well,better get back to cooking the lasagne for tea and my boys are calling me to play a board game with them. Catch you soon.

E. 

Xx

Ideas please?

Hi Everyone


Today I am looking for some advice on what top I should wear with the skirt in the picture.
I need it to be plane friendly as I will be travelling to Melbourne for the day to attend a wedding, now apparently it is a very low key affair, but I would like to be comfortably but dressed appropriately as I will be doing lots of sitting in planes and trains.


I am wearing my knee high black boots for warmth and as you will not see them anyway, I will not need to take another pair of shoes.

So what top would you wear with this skirt(yes like the top in picture, but was trying to hide my mummy tummy so really do not want to tuck in to skirt)


Thank you for the advice in advance, will let you know what I choose.


Look forward to hearing your suggestions.

xx E

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Waiting Game

Hi everyone

As I am writing this my favourite TV show BATB is premiering in Canada and I am trying to keep busy until links are available to watch.
If you know me by now you would understand that this show is amazing and I have meet so many other people who love this show and we have become friends and to honest a family really. I know that there is a lot of other people who are just as excited as me and am doing the same just trying to wish the time would hurray up.

Well back to what I was going to write about today and that is me thinking about what will happen when my boys are in full time school...I will be going back to work but I really need to find something that works around the boys school hours and has the school holidays off....so the only thing I have come up with is Teachers aide.....I see what is the point of me working and have to pay for child care all my wages would be going towards that....so that seems pointless to me.

Does that sound selfish and if it does I will be honest and say I do not care.

I worked hard to get my boys I want to be the to see as many achievements as possible at least until they tell me I am embracing them being there.....all children should have there achievements celebrated they deserve that much and to me that is a must in being a good mum/parent.

So if you can think of anymore job suggestions for me I will listen.

Well now that that has filled in sometime......well a little bit and I am still thinking about my favourite show I now only have to wait for an hour until I will be able to watch it.

Seeing as we are on the topic of favourite TV shows do you have any must watch shows...you know the ones that you absolutely must watch......you can not miss it.....you all know what mine is and to be honest it is a great show......have you seen it......it stars Jay Ryan and man he is hot and that voice......okay need to stop now.

But just in are you have not seen it, will put up the YouTube pronto for this season.





Have a great day(public holiday here)

PS....I have now seen the episode and I am still not sure what I think about it, may need to watch again with husband before I have a view on it.

Book Nerd......ME

Hi everyone

As I sit here in front of my nice cosy fire watching Play school with my youngest boy on the couch I thought I would write a quick blog post.

I am just enjoying a nice quiet moment today with my little man, he has a cold and so do I which I need to get over before next week as I am off for Day surgery next Wednesday, nothing major just a a very small operation so I hope I will be out by school pick up.

Well back to what I was going to write about. You all know I am a hopeless romantic I have told you about my book boyfriends before.

That has not changed I am really loving the downtime of a nice to escape to my book boyfriends after a full day with my 2 boys. One of them turns 3 in a 16 days then the fun starts with toilet training and everything like that. Think my body needs to just escape and relax and just jump right in to a different world where the boys gets the girl and he pours his heart out....maybe that is something I want to teach my boys to never be afraid of tell someone how you feel.....I have no idea. I muddle through each day and no idea what I am doing most of the time....oh well....see off the topic again.

My escape generally is romantic book with lots of strong men and heroes generally boy saves girl and does the courting of her.....I really am a hopeless romantic......

I am currently reading the 'Men of honour' series by KC Lynn this series was recommended to me by one of my Beastie friends and I love it, so easy to read and I am currently on the third book and this one has slowed me down as I need my tissues nearly every chapter, hubby thinks I have lost the plot.

I also love Bella Andre and Melissa Foster they have some great series very easy to read and pick up put down which is what this mummy needs, as for for some reason I get interrupted heaps.

So what do you like to read?

While I am writing I throughly I would also mention that lately I am getting a lot of questions from people asking me what I will be trying to have a girl, particularly when I say we have 2 boys...why do people ask that I have 2 children that is enough for me. Yes the thought of me not picking our graduation dresses,wedding dresses or holding their hand while they give birth does make me sad, but I found an article lately that I love. So here it is and for all mums of just boys I understand how you may feel sometimes.

Mother of only boys.

So until next time

Thank you for reading my rant.

Elita

Lonely mum

Hi Everyone

I have had this post sitting for a couple of days and I am still wondering if it should be posted or not and whether anyone will take offence to it.....and I am sorry if you do it is not my intent at all.

But I have a friend who keeps telling me not to care what other think and so I am going to take her advice.....thank miss Melbourne person....you know who you are.

I would like to say Thank you to my friends and those people who have become family as they have been there for me.....many of you do not live close by or I will never meet.

This is something I have been thinking lately and it may not be a big deal to anyone else or they may not feel it or maybe they do....will have to wait and see.

I am a lonely mum......I have friends but for some reason I still feel lonely and I can not put my finger on the reason why.

Maybe as most of my mummy friends work either part time or full time and simply do not have enough time to spend together as they are very busy with the whole work/family balance and I can completely understand why they do not have the time.....and just between you and me why would they want to hear about my day at home doing the boring stuff when they have been trying to get everything cooked and cleaned with the time they have.....I also have all day to get that stuff done where they maybe trying to do it all in a 2 hr window.

I very rarely go out and if I do I always think about the kids and hubby first....I do not do spontaneous things ever......don't get me wrong I will always put my kids and hubby first I do not know a mum who does not. That is why I decided that once a month I would do something for me....but it is always planned around family and hubby's activities.

Maybe I also feel this way because I do not have a mum to call whenever it get tough, so I battle through on my own,as I do not want to bother friends and often by the time they have replied to messages I have sorted it out and moved on.

It probably stems back to me being an only child so I had to grow up quickly and have self resilience from an early age....no one to bounce things off of and let's face it.....what teenage bounced ideas off there parents.

So does anyone else feel that way you do not need to be a mum you can just be a women who seem to have a herd of people around them but still feel lonely or am I just being crazy....be honest I can take it.

Here is an article I found interesting to read.
/are-you-lonely-mama

Until next post.

Xx