Friday, September 4, 2015

Celestial birthday

I know it has been ages since I wrote and maybe that is a good thing.

As I approach my mums celestial birthday on Monday.....has been 10 years since my mum passed away (in saying that she actually fell sick 9yrs earlier, so I may have lost her before she passed away) I keep thinking WOW.....has it been that long and then I think I have been married that long too.....

But back to my mum's celestial birthday I am thinking lately about the mum she was and the mum I am, and I can see lots of similarities in the way I parent my kids to the way I remember she used to be and I am not sure if that is a good thing or bad thing......sometime both to me.

I have 2 children who are the polar opposite of each other and sometimes I wish they could be not so far apart on the behaviour range, but that is just what I was dealt and still getting used to and also it changes daily and sometimes hourly.

My mum was tough but fair, I seem to feel like I had everything on my shoulder being an only child..I had no one before me to soften my parents up and no one after I seem to have to be everything that my parents want and sometime more.....which is very hard when you are trying to just find out who you are as a person.....I have also grown up to have a thick shell and to be stubborn and determined because that is what my mother instilled in me....some of which I have now passed on to my children....but I also remind them that it is okay to ask for help....which my mum never did (unfortunately she passed that tait on to me too).

In saying that my mum was also fair, as long as I was home or called to tell her where was then that was okay and as an adult I think I only ever pulled one all nighter and that was it....I also let her know when I got home, because like most mums she would never really get in to a deep sleep until I was home.....which I am sure it what I will be like too......still a while away yet....

To say I miss my mum is understatement....and I was doing okay until I fell pregnant and had to go to appointments on my own and many health problems that your mum should be there for (they say we all want our mums when we are sick...I know I did) but when my boys where born....then I think it really hit me....that she was not there to see them grown up and share there achievements with me as a proud grandma.....maybe that is why I do not want to miss any of my children just never know when your time is up. When I was pregnant with my boys I brought a star form the star registry and once a year I will look it up and wish on it...I want my boys to have something not just a they know she is always looking down on them no  matter what they are doing or where they are (guess knowing they have a star make me also think that when I am not here or they are traveling at least they will know there is a star that is watching over them and hopefully they will find comfort in that......or maybe that is a dream)

I get jealous seeing other mums with there mum and I know that is silly,but it is something that deep down inside hurts quite a lot....but that is just me....and that will never change....

So I guess in closing I just want to wish my mum a great celestial birthday and may your star shine brightly this year.....we will be looking for you, we love and miss you so much. Xx


PS. what I would give just to talk to her again.

Monday, July 27, 2015

Feeling Bad

Hi Everyone
it has been a while since I wrote and sometime I would like to write more but then I think no one will want to read I just do not bother and at this stage I am thinking about not blogging anymore.....Lots going through my head at the moments.

First of all I think I am not being a very good wife or mother but maybe I never was in the first place.

Took my little boy to the dr today just thinking he had a bit of ear wax that was stubborn and would not come out and he asked me how long it had been that brown colour and how long he has had it. I said about a week and thought it was just a bit of wax he now tells me that he may have a serious infection in ear and will not know that until the swob he took comes I feel like a great mum.....NOT.

Have joined a very different Facebook group and it has made me realise that maybe my life is not as exciting as some other people' fact mine is pretty boring and very dole in comparison.....make me think I live under a rock....who hoo have my eyes been opened this past me if you want to know the group....I may just invite you to join.

My Favourite TV show BATB lets just say I am not enjoying this season as much as past ones....I will not stop watching.....but with only a 13 episode season I feel they are trying to pack so much in each episode they are missing on stuff that really need to be there....but that is just my opinion.....I guess I want more of the romance that was promised......being a huge romantic by heart I guess I need that.

Oh well,better get back to cooking the lasagne for tea and my boys are calling me to play a board game with them. Catch you soon.


Thursday, June 25, 2015

Ideas please?

Hi Everyone

Today I am looking for some advice on what top I should wear with the skirt in the picture.
I need it to be plane friendly as I will be travelling to Melbourne for the day to attend a wedding, now apparently it is a very low key affair, but I would like to be comfortably but dressed appropriately as I will be doing lots of sitting in planes and trains.

I am wearing my knee high black boots for warmth and as you will not see them anyway, I will not need to take another pair of shoes.

So what top would you wear with this skirt(yes like the top in picture, but was trying to hide my mummy tummy so really do not want to tuck in to skirt)

Thank you for the advice in advance, will let you know what I choose.

Look forward to hearing your suggestions.

xx E

Monday, June 8, 2015

Waiting Game

Hi everyone

As I am writing this my favourite TV show BATB is premiering in Canada and I am trying to keep busy until links are available to watch.
If you know me by now you would understand that this show is amazing and I have meet so many other people who love this show and we have become friends and to honest a family really. I know that there is a lot of other people who are just as excited as me and am doing the same just trying to wish the time would hurray up.

Well back to what I was going to write about today and that is me thinking about what will happen when my boys are in full time school...I will be going back to work but I really need to find something that works around the boys school hours and has the school holidays the only thing I have come up with is Teachers aide.....I see what is the point of me working and have to pay for child care all my wages would be going towards that seems pointless to me.

Does that sound selfish and if it does I will be honest and say I do not care.

I worked hard to get my boys I want to be the to see as many achievements as possible at least until they tell me I am embracing them being there.....all children should have there achievements celebrated they deserve that much and to me that is a must in being a good mum/parent.

So if you can think of anymore job suggestions for me I will listen.

Well now that that has filled in sometime......well a little bit and I am still thinking about my favourite show I now only have to wait for an hour until I will be able to watch it.

Seeing as we are on the topic of favourite TV shows do you have any must watch know the ones that you absolutely must can not miss all know what mine is and to be honest it is a great show......have you seen stars Jay Ryan and man he is hot and that voice......okay need to stop now.

But just in are you have not seen it, will put up the YouTube pronto for this season.

Have a great day(public holiday here)

PS....I have now seen the episode and I am still not sure what I think about it, may need to watch again with husband before I have a view on it.

Thursday, May 14, 2015

Book Nerd......ME

Hi everyone

As I sit here in front of my nice cosy fire watching Play school with my youngest boy on the couch I thought I would write a quick blog post.

I am just enjoying a nice quiet moment today with my little man, he has a cold and so do I which I need to get over before next week as I am off for Day surgery next Wednesday, nothing major just a a very small operation so I hope I will be out by school pick up.

Well back to what I was going to write about. You all know I am a hopeless romantic I have told you about my book boyfriends before.

That has not changed I am really loving the downtime of a nice to escape to my book boyfriends after a full day with my 2 boys. One of them turns 3 in a 16 days then the fun starts with toilet training and everything like that. Think my body needs to just escape and relax and just jump right in to a different world where the boys gets the girl and he pours his heart out....maybe that is something I want to teach my boys to never be afraid of tell someone how you feel.....I have no idea. I muddle through each day and no idea what I am doing most of the time....oh well....see off the topic again.

My escape generally is romantic book with lots of strong men and heroes generally boy saves girl and does the courting of her.....I really am a hopeless romantic......

I am currently reading the 'Men of honour' series by KC Lynn this series was recommended to me by one of my Beastie friends and I love it, so easy to read and I am currently on the third book and this one has slowed me down as I need my tissues nearly every chapter, hubby thinks I have lost the plot.

I also love Bella Andre and Melissa Foster they have some great series very easy to read and pick up put down which is what this mummy needs, as for for some reason I get interrupted heaps.

So what do you like to read?

While I am writing I throughly I would also mention that lately I am getting a lot of questions from people asking me what I will be trying to have a girl, particularly when I say we have 2 boys...why do people ask that I have 2 children that is enough for me. Yes the thought of me not picking our graduation dresses,wedding dresses or holding their hand while they give birth does make me sad, but I found an article lately that I love. So here it is and for all mums of just boys I understand how you may feel sometimes.

Mother of only boys.

So until next time

Thank you for reading my rant.


Tuesday, April 28, 2015

Lonely mum

Hi Everyone

I have had this post sitting for a couple of days and I am still wondering if it should be posted or not and whether anyone will take offence to it.....and I am sorry if you do it is not my intent at all.

But I have a friend who keeps telling me not to care what other think and so I am going to take her advice.....thank miss Melbourne know who you are.

I would like to say Thank you to my friends and those people who have become family as they have been there for me.....many of you do not live close by or I will never meet.

This is something I have been thinking lately and it may not be a big deal to anyone else or they may not feel it or maybe they do....will have to wait and see.

I am a lonely mum......I have friends but for some reason I still feel lonely and I can not put my finger on the reason why.

Maybe as most of my mummy friends work either part time or full time and simply do not have enough time to spend together as they are very busy with the whole work/family balance and I can completely understand why they do not have the time.....and just between you and me why would they want to hear about my day at home doing the boring stuff when they have been trying to get everything cooked and cleaned with the time they have.....I also have all day to get that stuff done where they maybe trying to do it all in a 2 hr window.

I very rarely go out and if I do I always think about the kids and hubby first....I do not do spontaneous things ever......don't get me wrong I will always put my kids and hubby first I do not know a mum who does not. That is why I decided that once a month I would do something for me....but it is always planned around family and hubby's activities.

Maybe I also feel this way because I do not have a mum to call whenever it get tough, so I battle through on my own,as I do not want to bother friends and often by the time they have replied to messages I have sorted it out and moved on.

It probably stems back to me being an only child so I had to grow up quickly and have self resilience from an early one to bounce things off of and let's face it.....what teenage bounced ideas off there parents.

So does anyone else feel that way you do not need to be a mum you can just be a women who seem to have a herd of people around them but still feel lonely or am I just being honest I can take it.

Here is an article I found interesting to read.

Until next post.


Wednesday, April 8, 2015

What door do you choose?

Hi everyone

I am writing this while the kids play happily around me(not sure how long that will last for) Easter/Term 1 school holidays here and will say I am missing the routine of school and what I need to do each day. But that is not what this blog post is about.

I found something on another blog that I follow and it left me wondering what I really think about me and how hard we are on ourselves as women.

I have the put the video here for you to have a look at:

So what do you think?

I personally would choose to walk away I could not choose any door as I do not see myself as beautiful or average I am not sure what I am to be honest. I have always been on the larger size and I have a pretty big butt, small waist. Yes think Kim Kardashian butt.

So whenever I lose weight I lose it from my waist first which make my butt look bigger oh the joys of life. And somehow I always lose motivation to continue as I do not have a friend to push me and personal training would be great but is too expensive for this stay at home mum.

I also have never been told I was beautiful so I guess I do not believe it, I know I should but I just don't......and here I am trying to teach my boys to compliment there partners when they get to that age and I am always telling them they are beautiful, strong and amazing and their mum does not believe great mum I am being to them and a hypocrite too. I have always had a low self esteem and that leads back to I guess being told that my butt was big or my double chin is huge and that was from family here I am trying to build my children self esteem up while trying to also I guess build mine up as well.......we all know kids just say what they mean and do not think before the words come out.

So this is my latest profile pic on Facebook and I hate selfies....I have also booked myself in to have a professional photo session done and I really do not know why I did that....maybe I was having a moment as I look around I have no photos of me(except wedding picture, only a few in my house). Or maybe I wanted my boys to see me being brave.....I have no idea, again my self esteem issues kick in.

So what door would you choose?

Until next time

Bye xx

Wednesday, March 25, 2015

Deeper in to me.

Hi Everyone

I have been thinking of this post for a couple of days now but everytime I sit down to write it I get interrupted with hubby or children or the thoughts in my head, need to get this out.

Any way I am here now typing away in fact it was a friend who I have meet through our favourite tv show who asked where my new blog post was that has inspired me to write this, this person has been through so much in the last few weeks I take my hat off to her that she is still going and has not gone to hide under her doona by now, I know I would.....well would have before kids as now I have to keep going for them. I would really love to finally meet her one day, and I am hoping this year is the year.

So this post is bit about me and what I have gone through also my mum who I miss everyday
I am an only child and I really did not like it at all, I grew up very quickly. Both my parents were hard but fair parents. My mum was more fair then my dad but I think that is normal to a degree.Also some of the decision I had to make I do not want to wish on my worst enemy.
Life was good until late teens, I had friends, I had a mum who I loved with all my heart we had a good relationship.....well as good as any mum and daughter can be with hormones running through them

Then one Friday night everything changed I went to watch my boyfriend(now husband) play a late night hockey game and I took mum with me.i was 19 year old. She told me she had a stiff neck and I asked if she was ok. She told me she was fine and said that is was okay. We went home that night and she was sick and I was worried, call ambulance and they came and told mum she need to go to the hospital to get checked.....she refused i being stubborn I get that from her, told her I was taken her to get checked we made it 2 min from home and she was unconscious in the car. Anyway we get to hospital and she get looked at when you are taken in to a private room you always know something is not right, you mum has had several annyisum. We will do what we can for her. Next day I was making decisions I should not be making about releasing pressure in my mums head.......I was 19 I just needed my mum do whatever you need to do.

So my mum really never fully recovered from that she lived in a nursing home for 7 yrs as she told me she never wanted to be a burden on me and I hated to see her in there day after day. I think I said good bye to her thousands of times.

The year I got married 2005. She finally had had enough.....I think she knew I would be ok.....she passed away in September of that year.....and to be honest I was sad but knew it was coming. I even went to work the morning of her passing as I was first on in the child care room......I left at lunchtime that day.

While trying to achieve my pregnancies I was also involved in a major car accident(2006) where my father, father in law, hubby and myself were watch Targa Tasmania and a mini lost control and run in to the crowd.....yes right in to my the same dr that worked on my mother was working to keep my father alive......which they did.....even if that dr has since in formed both my father and I that he took a body bag with him to surgery as he did not think he would survive.

Now my relationship is not crash hot with my father he is very critical of me and take pot shot at me  or about what I have done with my life. But he is still here and I personally think he is here for his grandsons.....they keep him going.

I have had 3 miscarriages and in a very weird thing all those miscarriages happened in the month of September.

I have also had 4 DNC and cancer which you can read about on another blog post I wrote to do (with long road to babies)

I am about to go under the knife again as I have an ovary cyst which they need to get rid of, and to be honest I trust my dr 100% and I actually own my life to her. We have a very special bond.
There is not a day goes by that I do not think of my mum and sometime I cry a lot for her and what she has missed.....mainly as my children will never meet her and that hurts the most..

Crying now,time to say farewell. Promise my next post will be a lot happier. this has been in my head for a while and I think I need to get it out.

Hope I have not made you sad now.

Thursday, March 5, 2015

I am a Hopeless Romantic

Well it has been a while since I wrote anything and to be honest with not a lot of feedback happening or anything.....I am not sure I wanted to write anything. This is the raw me and very raw it may be.

Maybe I am writing just to make myself feel better I don't really know, so if I rant and vent a bit then please feel free to tell me where to go.....I am so sick of trying to make sure everyone else is okay I have forgotten about ME. This me to a tea today....I AM.......

We have just entered in to Autumn here in Tassie and with the sudden weather change I have both boys sick and me with hayfever. So this mumma is tired and really not feeling like herself at all and personally I hate feeling this way.

So my coping when I feel like this is to
  • Dancing.
  • Singing very loud and badly.
  • Reading romance novels.
  • Lots of cuddles from my boys when they do not cough or vomit on me.....(told you long week)

 Dancing what can I say, love it I used to do as a teenage and sometime I wonder why I gave it up and there are day I regret it so much....and I know it is excuse but I have kids and I put there needs before mine and I will always do that..... boys always tell me I sing too much and to loud but I am not going to stop it calms me down and make me feel human again sometimes.

Reading romance novels......this I will admit is my favourite thing to do(for me) nothing like jumping in to bed when the kids are asleep and read a really good romantic story....that you can jump in to and just imagine you in the boyfriend. Will also say I miss the romantic beginnings of a relationship(you know the hugs and hand holding and the little gestures that go with it) after being together for 19 years I know they will not be the same....sometimes they are there really small amounts but you know what I mean......or is it just me.

Last but not least: Cuddles from my boys: there is nothing like your children's arms around your neck,leg or any other part they can get hands around. Nothing like hearing them tell you they love you, and you will always be there first matter how big they get they will always be your babies. I want to raise my boys to treat girls/ladies/women with respect and old time manners eg opening doors both on buildings and cars, pulling chairs out and picking them up at door not just beeping the horn.

Well that is my rant/vent for this week anyway. Back to dancing and singing loudly and cleaning up yucky noses and other things.

Bye for now.

Monday, February 16, 2015

Brain fart and review on FSOG

I know it has been a while since I wrote not much has been happening really.
I have spent the time since I last wrote getting my boy ready for prep so have been busy and also just trying to be a good friend and wife.

This post has a strange name because I have some much circling in my brain I need to get it out and not sure if this will make a lot of sense.

So lets start with the fact my boys is in he is getting big so quickly. the introduction to his new prep teacher has not be great but I am trying to go with the flow, but will tell you that for the past week everyday she has told me my son has a problem. first it was the fact he was ambidextrous which is great, next it was a speech problem(which by the way is fine, he often has members of public say to me how well he speaks) and then it was he is not crossing over the centre line which is due to his she would like to send him to maybe get some help in that(none of this was picked up in Kindergarten).....I will wait and see what I get on pick up today.

I have also been walking daily and keeping up with my exercise which I love, my little man and myself are enjoying the fresh air daily and we love feeding the ducks every morning, I am taking time out for me and it has made a me a happier person which is great for my hubby.....the kids are still testing my mind but the wine helps with that......well small glass is not going to hurt.

 So my week last week started great and went down hill very quickly....but then I remembered I was off to see Fifty Shades of Grey(FSOG) and my excitement level went up, I know people hate this book as they think it is about abuse and other things but these are generally people who have not read all the book....yes the 3 of them.....the writing is not brilliant but to get the whole picture you need to read all the them. Then feel free to judge the books and movie. Well my review of the movie is below so you can read it for yourself.(insert a picture of stars and director just because I love it)

FSOG review

Well what can I say about it........loved it.It was everything I thought it would be. Jamie and Dakota are prefect for the roles of Christian and Ana. If someone tells me they had no chemistry then not sure what they are watching...whoo hot stuff with them. The only thing that was wrong is it felt rushed a bit ( which you get with a lot of book/movie things) 20 for min would have been great....the ending was wow that's it...... Can not wait for the dvd and then FSOG Darker.....but if anyone want to see it I put my hand up to go again and again.

My favourite tv show Beauty and the Beast(BATB) has be renewed for a 4th season and we get season 3 starting on may so excited for that....

Well that is all that is going through my brain lately, off to put my little man down for naptime and so me time watching.......not sure yet.

Have a great week, until next time.


Tuesday, January 27, 2015

ME time and FSOG

Hi Everyone

It has been 2 weeks since my last post and I am not sure what that is maybe because I have kids still on school holidays here and I have been spending time with them...or maybe I did not think I had anything interesting to say to you.....

Remember one of my goals for this year was to do something just for me once a month, take better care of me.....that way I can take care of my boys and be happier the month of February I am.........

Well first of all I am going to warn you about this post some people will like it some people will hate it and not want to read it but oh well I am still happy to hear negative thoughts on it.

I will admit in the last week I have become obsessed with FSOG (Fifty Shades Of Grey) yes the book and the movie due out in 17 days(yes on countdown here) I love it and when I need a pick me up I will watch a tv spot(30second) and then I am back to happy me. I really do not know why

So confess who has read the books? Did you make it through all 3 or did you stop and never went back.

When I first saw who was playing Christian and Anastasia I was not impressed and I through I will just wait until it come out on DVD to see it. But after watching Jamie in OUAT (Once upon a time season 1 episodes 1-7) I thought he would be good, then the trailers came out and I went okay but the more I watched the trailers the more I want to see, he has the looks and the smothering eyes to  match what I through Christian would be like.

Now I can not stop watching the trailers and tv spots, have seen heaps of interviews where they talk about the film and other things. I have my tickets to gold class to see it, if anyone wants to join me(taking hubby as well) then that fine the more the merrier.

It has been a while since I have felt this excited about something and I think this is great......might be a bit obsessed but I say whatever make me look forward to something as a mum then I am happy.

I will go on the defence of the books and say yes the writing is not at good but I loved it, and there are people out there who say it is 'mummy porn' well it might be but when I read all 3 of the books I soon realise that Anastasia did not have to do any of the things she did she was in control of the situation, she also helped Christian to see what he really needed and that people do not abandon you when you need them the most. Anastasia showed Christian very early on that he was special and she was not going to take crap from him. If I can teach one thing to my children it would be empathy and assertiveness which is what I see when I read these books. Some people might see something else......what do you think of them?  

Will include a trailer and one of my favourite tv spots for you to check out.....please let me know what you think?

International Trailer

One of the tv hard to choose one

So let me know what you think of all of this personally so excited.

Later  xxx

Monday, January 12, 2015

First week of my 2015 Goals

Hi everyone

I hope you have all had a great week.

My week has been a little up and down and feeling a little emotional but has been good despite that.

 Had been busy as usual enjoying the school holidays with my boys. My oldest son has had a few days away with his grandparents which has been great and lovely and quiet....and I have not had to answer any questions which seem to be all he does lately and if I do not have the answers or tell him that I will get the answer for him then he reminds me if I forget. I love how he want to know things but he asks me things even sometimes I would not even think he understands.

I must admit when he returned after 2 days he asked a lot so he made up for the time that he was not with me but then the behaviour went a bit off the show and he has been quite rude and demanding which is a little hard to take but that is ok he did get a lot of one on one when he was away and now he has to put up with sharing and waiting until I am not too busy to get him what he wanted.

 I have started my plans for this year I am so happy about that. I have a note in the front of my diary that reminds me of my goals for this year and I plan to stick to them.

I went out for a great lunch yesterday with some wonderful ladies, we laughed, talked and shared secrets as well as a lovely glass of wine and a great long lunch which I miss so much after having the children.

We went to a lovely little restaurant in Sandy Bay. It had a great menu and great atmosphere. It was just so fantastic to get out without the kids and have some adult girly time. Now I just need to make a date for next months lunch somewhere just as any ladies want to join just let me know we are always looking for new friends and if you need to get away from the family for a few hours then you are welcome to join us.

This morning I also started to exercise more, have taken a photo of what I was pushing. I had the pram, boy in pram and my oldest son on the skateboard attached to the pram. a good amount of weight I pushed for 30 min. The oldest son took some photos so he would not get too bored.

I am even going to do a yoga program I found for my iPad called fit star yoga when the boys have a sleep and rest it is free and guides you through the program will let you know how that goes.Then I might just sit in the sun and read a book for a while after I book my tickets to see "Fifty shades of grey".......that's important right...

Love this blog post on Fat Mum Slim today 15-ordinary-things-2015/ Have a look at it see what you think.

Well signing off as I am writing this while playing with the kids at the park. Have a great week.


Monday, January 5, 2015

Goals for 2015....What are yours?

So here it is my first blog post for 2015.

I really was not sure if I was going to write anymore posts as I was not getting any real feedback, but I decided to continue this as it is a way I can document things that happen even if it is just for my boys to read later in life or something for me to look back on.

So 2015 I am hoping/planning will be a great year and a year that I also look after me as well as my boys.

This year I plan and hoping to achieve:

  • Some regular girly time (which I am starting this weekend)
  • Look at studying (certificate 3 in education support)
  • One on one time with my children (mummy son dates)
  • Some more exercise
  • De-clutter my house (may be dreaming with this one)

Don't get me wrong I will always put my children before my own needs but I am going to give it a shot to do both, my boys are older enough now that I can leave them and they know I will come back. And I find when I get even a few hours away from them I find the tolerance level is much better and I get a thousand questions about what I did or have been when I return.

I also need to take some time and spend one on one with my boys...they are growing up so fast. I have a boy who is in prep this year and to be honest I can not believe 5 days a week ...WOW....that also means I need to do the school runs 5 days and week and would it be weird to say I am looking forward to it....I love how he seems to love telling me what happened at school and how excited he is to see me....and I am hoping that will never change.....but deep down I know it I guess I am enjoying it while I can. The other thing is I am a member of an amazing playgroup or Launch into Learning program with my other son....we are like a family and it is truly wonderful.

I am scared to go back in to study I have not studied in so long and not sure I even remember how to anymore and I know that sounds silly, sometime I am in two frames of mind whether I can do it or not and I do not even know if I would get a job at the end of it....but if I can find the course that will fit in with my family then I would give it a go, also the right price(which I found to be so expensive online and I probably need to do that for now as classroom setting would not suit the family)

Well that was bigger then I thought it would be for the start of 2015. Let me know if you have any goals for 2015 maybe we can help each other achieve some of them. Mumma's need to help each other. Have a great week

Chat soon.